Hacks to Happiness: Aim for Connection Over Everything Else

The first time my dog, Milo, attempted to bite me is an image seared into my brain. 

It’s not the first time I’ve almost been bitten by a dog, but the way his ears curled back, his eyes glared, and his lips fiercely stretched over his teeth in the blink of an eye just before he lunged at me still gives me goosebumps. We had just come inside from his bathroom break, and I needed to leave for an event. After gathering my things, I tried to cutely lead him to his playpen, but he just as cutely ran the other way. I was on a time crunch so my patience was running out, and he heard it in my voice as my calls to him collected more attitude and volume. Eventually I had him cornered, and when I went to grab him, he snapped back.

Like all Dog-Moms I absolutely love my little pup, so his aggression not only scared me half to death but it also felt like a sign of hatred. If I sound like I’m exaggerating then I encourage you to arrange a situation that prompts your pup to bite you when you’re just trying to instill some control. Then, if you have any sympathy in your soul, watch as your veins fill with anger, and then watch them get replaced by guilt…then perhaps filled with anger again. (This works in child care, too, by the way).  

But here’s the thing: in the moment I was getting angry, it was because I was seeking power. I was trying to establish my authority and I was obviously losing. After the results my actions rendered — AKA almost getting bit — I was filled with guilt because I was no longer connected to Milo, or myself for that matter. So what exactly was I connected to? 

This kind of dynamic can be seen in all of our relationships – social, personal, and professional. We’re either bidding for connection or we’re bidding for power. And quite frankly, in our bids for power we either “win” and are disliked (and often disrespected, most often behind our backs), or we lose and feel lost — kind of like the end of an electrically charged wire that had just broke loose and is flying frantically in the air.

In order to get that wire connected to where it needs to be, we have to shut that charge off. Similarly, in our relationships, we need to reconsider what our actions were aiming for in the first place: power or connection? 

In our bids for power, we solely care about being right. We blame, we accuse, we yell, we disregard others, we micromanage, we do over someone’s work, we gaslight, we ghost, we don’t listen, we try to seek revenge (yes, that’s a cheap shot in pursuit of power)…must I go on?

When we’re aiming to connect, we ask questions, we listen, we empathize, we communicate our needs, we communicate our boundaries, we look into ourselves to apologize for where we were wrong, then we care enough to ask “how can I do better?” and actually try to do that. 

Major differences there, huh?  

 

Dealing with the “Power-Holders” 

 

People who try to instill power above you are doing so because they don’t feel in control. It could be a parent, sibling, boss, or friend that’s seeking power over how you feel, over your work ethic, over how you should handle a situation, or how you act — the list continues. 

When you find these relationships in your life, consider the kind of power that person is seeking over you, and try to be a step ahead of it.

The “I feel [blank] when you [blank]” Statement: The more specific you get with this, the more powerful it is. Instead of accusing someone’s character (“you’re an asshole,” “you’re inconsiderate,” “you’re a terrible listener”), this statement aims to relay that you feel a certain way when a specific situation occurs. Here’s a few examples:

• • I feel ignored and unheard when you change the subject as I’m talking about something that is important to me. 
  • I feel like a nuisance when you belittle a concern that I’m trying to bring to your attention. 
  • I feel like I mean nothing to you when you disregard my bids for connection. 

These are generic and resemble more of text-book style, but I leave them that way so they can really emphasize how you choose your words. Fill in the blanks with what feels right in your circumstance, but remember to be specific.

Communicate EXTRA: If you know a person well enough and presume they’re going to question you, your decisions, your motives, or another, then communicate as much as possible. Fill in the blanks that might be in their head so they’re not left to watch over your shoulder and track your every move.

This is especially important when making new friends or meeting new potential partners. Don’t just leave a person hanging — communicate! Let them know you’re not ignoring them, you’re just busy. Let them know you just need space today. Let them know you’re not up for hanging out this weekend, and try to reschedule for another weekend. It takes two seconds to send a text, people! Plus, keeping a person in the loop really doesn’t have to be that complicated. Just show you care more; it’s good for your soul. 

Realize You’re Outgrowing Them: When we change, our relationships change. That’s a fact of life. We outgrow old friends, old coworkers, and even family members (for anyone who needs the reminder: blood relationships are never a good enough reason to tolerate someone’s power toxicity). Of course, if we’re experiencing a lack of support from someone important in our life, the reason reflects their own inner demons and insecurities. However, if their lack of support turns to discouragement or attempts to hold you back, it’s time to let go. 

 

How to Seek Connection

 

Own up to your faults & validate their feelings: If you want to stop being the asshole in the conversation, it’d be best if you swallow your pride and realize you’re not perfect either. This doesn’t mean you suck up to anyone, it simply means that you acknowledge where you could have went wrong. Endorsing the importance of another’s feelings builds trust, it instills a safe space for that other persons to reciprocate, and it lowers a person’s defense making for a more productive conversation and an enhanced experience when exploring options/solutions/etc.

Ask more questions: This is so key. We’re all detectives and the more questions we get answered, the better we can understand and empathize. Figure out what made another person upset, or where you went wrong, or how you can help. Better yet, ask your partner, your friendships, your family, or even your coworkers and boss, “how can I do better?”

I know you’re already feeling a pang of resistance. Do it anyway.

Find common ground to come to a conclusion on: After you’ve validated feelings  and asked the necessary questions, you should be on a neutral ground and both parties should be calm, patient, and prepared to come to a consensus, right?

………………………
Right! In a perfect world!

Of course this is way easier in theory, but the more you practice these techniques in your relationships, the easier it is because repeated actions eventually become a habit. And adopting these habits will slowly begin to feel like second nature. 

Please note that cultivating these habits around seeking connection are not always synonymous with comfort. Nothing about tough conversations is comfortable — that’s why they’re tough, duh! — but the way in which you approach them becomes less intimidating. You will start to trust the process more, you will start to trust your ability to navigate those tougher conversations, and you will notice just how much improvement your relationships experience as you have them.  

 

So, as it came to be with Milo, I now know that my obvious attempts at authoritative power (in most situations, not all) trigger an instinctual reaction from him, which is fair. I’d probably respond similarly if I was scared. So I’ve built his trust by teaching him that the playpen is associated with treats for reinforcement.

Surely relationships with our dogs are different than our relationships with humans…but then again, when our bids for connection are associated with enhanced relationship reinforcement, that difference is not by much. 

Connection is work, but so is everything else that’s wonderful and worth having in this world!

Sending you patience, kindness, and positive vibes…

XOXO,
Sab

Hacks to Happiness: Who Is Our Highest Self & How Do We Reach Them?

Talking about our “highest” self isn’t a discussion brought up too often — unless we’re in a dispensary…

buh-dum-tsss.

 

So who is our “Highest Self?” What does it mean? 

 

Our highest self is our deepest intuition. It’s the part of us that works from insight, excites inspiration, and guides us with intention — so long as we choose to listen and remain in connection with it. 

Other terms for it are our “value-guided self,” our “wisest self,” our “inner self,” and even “our gut instinct” — and I will be exchanging these terms as I continue this post so do not be confused; they all refer to the same deeper part of our conscious. 

In any case, the name is meant to emphasize that our thoughts and consciousness run deeper than what is presented on the surface. That’s because we don’t see someone’s deepest or wisest self through their race, ethnicity, status, or trendy, flashy things. We only see it based on the example they set and how they treat both others and themselves. Our highest self is our own individual guiding principle that leads us toward what we value most, and that’s cultivated through lots of self-reflection and action. 

With the amount of distractions, temptations, and loud noise we experience on a daily basis from family, friends, professors, media, society, cultural beliefs, religious values, and even our own combative thoughts, it requires quite some energy to deflect all the clamor and dig deeper into what we believe, what change we want to see in the world, and what it will take from us to go after, or become, that. 

 

Building A Connection with Your Highest Self 

 

Introspection is built just like a muscle. The more we use it, the stronger it gets. 

We have to remind ourselves to be still, to listen, and to practice blocking out the distractions when we are listening to our value-guided self. Some examples of what this may look like are: 

• following through with what you said you’d do for someone — even when it turns out to be an inconvenience
• following through with what you said you’d do for yourself — even when it turns out to be an inconvenience 
• not playing by dating game rules everyone seems to encourage because you know deep down you’d rather find a love more mature and genuine than that 
• telling your boss you’re too swamped on other projects to take on a new one (#boundaries)
• granting yourself a weekend of space and the true rest and recovery you need instead of going out with friends or filling your schedule with things you feel you “have” to do
• scheduling a time away from work, school, or other obligations just to go out with friends and have fun
• partaking in the activities you love to do, or want to try, regardless if you’re good at them or not
• fighting and being an advocate for movements you’re passionate about 
• standing up for what you believe in, for yourself, and for others in the face of affliction

 

The more we listen to our value-guided / highest- / wisest- self and go forth with intention, we’ll notice the reward from our practice. 

Just think back to the first time you started your current favorite hobby. Perhaps you felt uncoordinated, a little disjointed, and maybe even a little embarrassed about your ignorance around the activity. When I first started bodybuilding the exercise I loathed, but knew I needed to do, were pull-ups. I had to remind and push myself to do them at least every other day because as hard as they were, I knew I wanted to get better at them so they could strengthen my other lifts.

There were days I skipped them completely because I listened to the noise in my head saying they’re too hard…you’re tired today…you’re probably not even going to get 1½…just do them next time. However, the more I blocked out that noise, that is the more diligent I was with keeping up my practice, the stronger I felt myself becoming. Eventually, I felt that strength begin to seep into my other lifts; it improved my posture, and let’s be real, I felt like a bad ass. Eventually I came to love Back-and-Bis Day.  

Watching how our confidence and self-trust evolves (through the act of making value-guided decisions and going after what we truly desire to see, and be, in this life) is a powerful feeling. Smaller acts of meditation, reflection, and action add up to bigger acts of kindness and confidence, and eventually we come to enjoy the process and develop a gratitude for the situations we’re put in. We begin to trust ourselves and our ability to handle them, more and more. 

However, it should be mentioned that this doesn’t mean we can reach a “rite of passage,” so to speak, that automatically grants us an easy-peasy life. To consistently improve, we must consistently practice.   

 

When Your Highest Self Leads You Toward Consequence 

**These two statements are incredibly important to remember, so please do not skim over this.**

***

1. We only know what we know when we know it.

Slow down. Read that again: we only know…what we know…when we know it.

 

2. We cannot know what we don’t know until we know it.

Alright. One more time: we cannot know…what we don’t know…until we know it. 

***

Just because we listen to our value-guided self doesn’t mean we will know the outcome of a situation. And it certainly doesn’t mean we will always be right! That’s because our value-guided self can only lead us toward what we currently know and believe is the best decision.

The hardest part of listening to our highest self is not, in fact, the process of listening and going after something; the hardest part is overcoming the fear that somewhere in that process we could be wrong; it’s overcoming the fear that we could be disturbing the peace and very well be making others uncomfortable.

In first grade, there was a boy who consistently teased and picked on me and although I picked back, he almost always got away with it. One day during group time, he mouthed the words “fuck you” to me (I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to). I quickly interrupted the session and yelled out, “[he] just said the f-word to me!!” And unfortunately, we both got detention. Yeup, my first detention ever because I decided I would tolerate that boy’s meanness no longer!

Silly as it seems, there is something to be said about the fact that telling my teacher about him is what I knew, in that moment, would grant me the justice I deserved. Sure, in the end, as a consequence we both received detention, but I learned that next time I’d make sure to wait until after group time to seek justice. 

The issues I faced as a seven year old seem minor to my now 23 year old self, but the practice of refining what my wisest self knows is a demonstration that remains the same.  When there are consequences to our value-guided behavior, we can trust that our wisest self will always lead us toward what we believe to be right and we will survive through, learn about, and take educational advantage of our mistakes.

And if others become uncomfortable, let them stay that way. Our discomfort is an opportunity to explore our biases, our fears, and our insecurities. Our discomfort is our own responsibility, not someone else’s. Therefore, in pursuing what your wisest, highest self is leading you toward, bare in mind that ensuring everyone else is comfortable is not, and will never be, part of your journey.

 

Measuring Your Success 

 

So many of us base success on the outcome of a situation. Whether that be on someone’s response (or lack thereof), people’s reactions, if a proposal goes through, if we get the job, or get accepted into a program — the list is endless.

But what if we determined success on our ability to show up in a value-guided way.

The goal is to be clear about our values and be intentional about how we live up to them –  for ourselves, for our relationships, for strangers, and especially for those we may not agree with. We needn’t be perfect in our pursuits; we simply need to do the best we can. And if that turns out flawed, we pursue the next right thing.

Lisa Laughman, a social worker from Michigan State University, said it perfectly in her recent webinar:

“I get to navigate my mistakes whole heartedly and in a value-guided way. And then I get to like myself better over time [while] holding way less emotional baggage.”

– Essential Skills for Navigating Difficult Times (Session: 6/6) –

Notice the verbiage: we get to navigate our mistakes. We needn’t see it as a burden, but rather an advantage, a gift. And that’s a powerful way to look at our shortcomings because what we do holds just as much importance as the language we use around it.

^^^

Holding Space for others & Their Highest Selves

 

During difficult moments when someone is honoring their emotions in your presence, they are placing a sacred trust in you by sharing that experience with you. The most important thing for any one of us to do when that person is uncomfortable, hurting, and confused are the following three things:

1. Remove any judgement

This is not a proper time nor is it your place to offer personal opinions. However strongly you feel about a situation, put it on hold for a while. Simply be there with that person; remain present.

Suspend any comments that resemble things like,

– See, I told you this would happen…
– I wish you would have listened to me…
– There’s nothing you can do about it now so it makes no sense to cry…
– Please don’t be upset…
– Look at the bright side; things could be so much worse…
– Well at least you — …

2. Don’t fix, do validate 

When holding space for another person, our main job is to listen. It’s super important we demonstrate that we care about how that person is feeling. We don’t need to be the problem solver, the fixer, the I’ll-Make-Everything-All-Better man; we just need to identify how a person is feeling and attempt to empathize with it.

Appropriate comments sound more like,

– What you’re going through is really hard…
– I can only imagine how painful this must be for you…
– So what I’m hearing you say is ___…am I hearing that right?
– I might not know what’s the best thing to say, but know that I am here for you…

3. Understand the situation through their lens, not yours.

An incredibly profound quote from Allyson Dinneen says, “Wanting people to feel better isn’t helpful if it is our idea of ‘better’ and not theirs.”

Holding space for another person is not a means of fixing, judging, or evaluating what you think the outcome should look like. Empathy is a means of attempting to understand an experience through their eyes, and through their eyes only. This means we need to be asking more questions than we are making statements.

How you would’ve attempted to handle the situation does not help, it does not validate, and it certainly does not make someone in a vulnerable state feel better.

Questions you can ask that might propel some self-reflection without offering answers or refuting their feelings sound like,

– Who established the rule you’re having around how you’re feeling?
– What would you like to do about this?
– What is the next best thing you can do for yourself now?
– I’m proud of you…will you call me to let me know how it went?

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I wanted to write this post without bias toward any specific relationship to religion, witchcraft, or zodiac signs, but it’s worth mentioning that tapping into our highest self is a lifelong practice and study that even monks and spiritual gurus today have a hard time describing. Meditation and quietness is encouraged so much across so many spiritual practices because we cannot get through difficult times when our thoughts and emotions are stuck in the obnoxiously dark and discouraging stores of our mind. 

We must remember that while our practice is individual and unique, we are and always will be support systems for one another. Our power to help others and ourselves lies solely within our ability to be present, to encourage without judgement or attitudes of superiority, and to remind each other that no matter what, we can be reliable foundations of love, calmness, and acceptance whenever the going gets tough.

If we can hold this kind of safe space for ourselves, we can do that for others; and in doing so for others, we strengthen and improve our ability to do it for ourselves. It’s a cycle.

Building a connection to your inner gut instinct is a skill, and it’s a contagious one at that. By listening, you bestow a gift of trust to yourself, and you bestow a gift of permission for others to give to themselves. And I’ll say, witnessing the reward that comes from doing so, especially when we use it to navigate difficult situations, is a pretty happy experience, indeed.

New Baltimore, Michigan 

Sending you joy going into the week!

XOXO,
Sab

Hacks to Happiness: In the Face of Adversity

In last week’s post I touched on how happiness is not such a blatantly obvious endeavor.

Oftentimes the things that will really make us happier in the long-run are those that aren’t so pretty on the surface; they often tend to be blessing in disguise or take a little more time and effort than we intended to put forth.

This week I’m talking about pain and suffering. What could be so “happy” about the thought of that, you may ask? Well, let’s get into it, shall we?

 

First and foremost, experiencing pain is an intense paradox. 

 

Contrary to our initial reaction, pain is such an intricate and valuable piece of the human experience. Of course, there is absolutely no diminishing, pretending, or even ignoring that in the wake of heartbreak, loss, illness, injury, abandonment, or another, it feels like a negative experience and it feels personal.

Without these moments, however, we can’t evolve or modify aspects of our lives for the better, we can’t grow mentally, professionally, or even physically, and we can’t truly know happiness, joy, or gratitude on a personal level. 

No matter what happens to us, it’s the shift in our mindset during the aftermath of those times that really determines if we can hack happiness or if we will continue to view life through a dark lens.

Analyzing influential figures and the wise-words spoken during their speeches or told in their captivating stories, we witness the effects of their triumph after they’ve walked along the most difficult roads. We observe people’s rise to the top only after they’ve endured trials and tribulations. And the admirable art we view, envy, or simply appreciate, is most often created out of, or inspired by, affliction.

 

Let’s think about a hard situation we’ve already surpassed …

 

Think back to a heartbreak you’ve experienced in the past since this is something we’ve all been through. No doubt it sucked, right?  We can be sure that heartbreak in the future will suck, too; however, we can take that occasion and consider what we may have done afterward. 

Did we feel sorry for ourselves? Tell ourselves we’ll never be loved again? Think up scenarios where we wouldn’t be able to find another person as fun, as comforting, as intelligent, or as sexy as them? Mope around for a while?

Yeah. Don’t be shy, you’ve done it and so have I. It is impossible to just stop feeling angry, sad, resentful, and betrayed in the middle of it’s sensation. The best way out is through…

But what did we do after that? 

We remembered who the hell we are, right? Maybe you learned what you really want out of a relationship and/or what you won’t tolerate in your next one. Maybe you learned how to appreciate the company of your friends and family a little more. Maybe you focused on your health and a new hobby by putting more effort into traveling or learning how to roller skate (just as examples). Maybe you even got back into the dating game as a reminder that the world is an incredibly big playground for you to play on and explore.

I mean, when you have so many qualities to offer, why sit on the bench and watch while everyone else plays?  

Pain is what catalyzes growth, learning, and self-discovery. We refine ourselves, we find ourselves, and we let go of unnecessary parts of ourselves when we experience misfortunes, hardship, and challenges. We must remember that it’s the hard moments that create the most rewarding pieces of art, and that’s exactly how we come to fully embrace the blessing of being joyful and happy.

 

Dwelling for long periods of time

 

When we think about grief, many of us picture losing a loved one. But grief applies to everything. We’ve grieved the loss of normalcy as this pandemic has forced us out of our comfortable routines; we’ve grieved the loss of a character in a film or TV show, we’ve grieved a faltering friendship, the end to our favorite pair of shoes’ life, the end of festival season, etc. 

One thing all of these examples have in common is that the grieving process behind them do not have a time limit. There are stages in the grieving process (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) so if there are any “recommendations” or “guidelines” its about about how much time in each stage is “healthy,” but essentially, everyone processes emotions differently and at different paces. 

I do believe time is an important factor when we’re going through a hard break-up, a loss, or the diagnosis of someone’s illness AND — I’m avoiding the use of ‘but’ because this is not a contradictory statement — and so is diligent mindfulness around our mourning.

By that I mean we have to bring some awareness to our progress when suffering otherwise we may get stuck in the comfort of our grief.  

Which sounds weird, right? Who wants to remain stuck in a place of grief? 

Many people, actually. Severity levels vary among situations and people’s individual coping mechanisms. Have you ever felt sad on a drive home and decided to turn on sad music to mock, deepen, and wallow in your depression? I’ve done it on more occasions than I can count. I could’ve played cheery music or a podcast, but I wanted to be sad. 

This is not, technically, a bad thing. We simply should remain mindful around how often we do it because the goal is progress in emotional regulation. If we start noticing that we want to be sad all of the time, that is a sure sign we need extra support and guidance in our grieving process. In such a case, seeking out a counselor, therapist, or trusted mentor is necessary.  

 

How the phrase “it could be worse…” actually makes it worse

 

These five words create an expression that is, in my humble opinion, very controversial.

The only time we tend to rehearse this statement is when we’re saying it to someone else, right? We utilize the phrase with good intentions at heart, but what we’re really insinuating is that one’s situation isn’t that bad, therefore, they should be, in some sense, grateful. Sometimes it can be a helpful statement to remember when the going gets tough, but in the end “it could be worse” prolongs our recovery and coping process. 

“It could be worse,” is instead, a phrase that actually has more power to invalidate our situation and belittle the emotions we have around it. When we don’t grant ourselves (or others) the space needed to come to full awareness, or to have a full grieving and healing process because, well, “it could be worse,” we are stripping our (and their) experience of its value and meaning.

Think about it: almost everything could be worse! The only reason we have the ability to compare and contrast these sorts of factors in our life is because our circumstances are incredibly varied. But each person’s reality is unique and individual to them. 

It makes no sense, for example, to compare my stress levels to that of the nurses fighting Coronavirus right now. Our realities are too different.

Yes, telling myself “it could be worse” reminds me that I’m lucky to be home safe with my family at this time, but the stress I feel for being unemployed when I’m starting grad school in the Fall, the discouragement I feel when I want certain friends to initiate conversations with me first, and the irritation of being around my parents for too long cannot just so simply be brushed aside because “it could be worse.” That doesn’t relieve the load from my situation regardless of how “light” it is compared to someone else’s.

Remember that your experience is yours. You needn’t place it in a worse- versus better- than category. It’s just different, and that’s okay.

 

All of this is to say: 

The constant cycle between joy and hardship is essential to our humanity because without it we can’t know what it means to be alive. 

 

As the wise Maya Angelou once said, “You need a little rain to make a rainbow.”

We need to suffer before we can persevere, we need to fail before we can succeed, and we need to experience some pain before we can fully understand our capacity to feel joy. To hack happiness, even when we’re stressed and suffering, is to acknowledge our pain, to accept that it is inevitable, and to remember that it is not going to last forever.

 

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Next week, I’m going to hack into happiness by expanding on what it means to live our truth — AKA: live a life true to who we are. And if you still haven’t entirely figured out who your “truest self” is, I’ll draw on how you can figure it out! 😉 

Enjoy your week, and I’ll see you next Monday…

XOXO,
Sab ♥

Hacks to Happiness: Isn’t it Obvious?!

Regardless of what we want out of life, the underlying basis for all of our desires remains the same:

We just want to be happy.

Really, there’s not a whole lot we wouldn’t do to be happy, but is that what’s leading us to settle for the quicker, more blatant versions of happiness?

Let’s look at some examples,

• We know we want a deeper, emotional connection with a special person, but we settle for the first one who seems the slightest bit of nice, the fairest amount of willing, and the quickest to excite the butterflies in our bellies — even if only temporary. 
• We know we want an A on our group project, but if we do the bare minimum and leave the “smarter” people on the team to do their thing, we won’t have to work so hard.
• We know we want to live debt free, but to have the newest phone, shoes, clothing collection, game-set, etc. sounds so much more enticing right now.
• We know at a very subconscious level that it’s easier to accept certain faulty dynamics in our closest relationships, even if we don’t like them.

But let’s be honest…

• We know it takes more patience and effort to find and invest in a special kind of love;
• We know we’ll have more confidence in our work ethic if we actually give our best toward a project;
• We know we’ll have more pleasure in our financial freedom if we just stay strong and pay off our debts first;
• And of course, we know we could feel more fulfilled, respected, and at ease in our relationships if we harnessed our voice, stated our boundaries, and even showed more appreciation for those relationships ourselves. 

Many of us find ourselves in pursuit of justification and permission to take shortcuts in hopes we’ll receive something promising. It makes sense – our brains are working for dopamine and dopamine only. It’s no wonder we’re drawn to pretty answers, easy habits, and impulsive behaviors — our brains know what guarantees an immediate release of its beloved drug.

That’s why we have to be willing to slow-down a bit. 

 

How often have you stopped to really consider if what you want in this moment will make you proud when lying on your deathbed? 

I’ve read a number of articles – like this one – about the most common wishes of people in hospice, and most recently listened to a phenomenal podcast that reminded me to question if my pursuits are what my future self will thank me for.

Of course, I want to know my life as one where I worked to live, not one where I lived to work. I want to imagine that I was courageous enough to go after what I wanted, even if I faced rejection along the way, and that I was kind, that I loved deeply, and that I gave my all to the things and people I really cared about. And I think you do, too…

So now I want to ask you to think about the kind of decisions you’ve been making lately and whether they’ve been for the sake of a quick pick me up, or if they’re actually aligned with what your wisest self values… 

…are you nurturing relationships that reciprocate the same love, effort, and and care you give, or are you fueling toxic relationships that leave you anxious, confused, and left behind? 

…are you aiming for goals that will fulfill your desires or someone else’s?

…are you purchasing items that align with your values or  society’s values?

…are you handling your emotions with care or are you finding a means to suppress and numb them (drinking, smoking, Tinder-ing, trolling, drug abusing, etc.)?

…are what you put into your body reflections of self-care, or are they mostly serving the purpose of self-comfort? 

…are you actually practicing spirituality to mend and guide your soul, or are you following — maybe even pretending to be part of — a religious community because that’s what’s expected of you?

 

These questions are not the kind of questions we can answer on the fly; I know this. And quite frankly, they’re meant to go way deeper than just this article or even an encyclopedia on happiness could even begin to scratch on the surface.

For as long as humans have been on earth, we may feel like we should’ve found the blueprint to living a happy life by now, but all we know is that happiness takes effort, it takes consideration, and sometimes it takes standing in the face of fear to finally come into alignment with what our wisest self knows will truly bring us joy.

So what smaller strides can you and I both take that will help us stop settling for Happy’s superficial disguises?

Well, today happiness, to me, means practicing to…

• Keep the promises I made to myself, like posting this article as well as all my future blogs before 5pm every Monday…
• Getting in a workout, even though today is one of those days I just don’t feel like it, because I know once I’m done I’ll be less anxious and more energized…
• And it means being conscious of my family’s moodiness and choosing my battles wisely so that we can make homemade tacos and enjoy margaritas for Cinco de Mayo in peace ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

In Part 2 next week, I’ll be talking about the importance of the journey toward happiness and how we can make the best out of the worst situations…

See you then!

XOXO,
Sab ♥